Have you said to your husband, “You’ve never really taken the time to learn how to make me come, and I would love for you to do so”? You can sweeten it as needed, but I think going the direct route might be useful, especially if you haven’t tried it. What resources can you suggest for me to learn some new ways to stimulate my husband as he ages? He can come, he just needs a lot more stimulation.) As a result, we’re adding a lot of new stimulus, i.e., butt stuff, choking, clamps, etc. (He’s on testosterone so I don’t think it’s a medical issue. Secondly, my husband as he’s gotten older has a harder time coming. How can he learn to pleasure me? Or should I just give up on this goal and be glad for the great sex we have? I recently communicated that I’d like him to learn, but his efforts have not yet succeeded, and my clit end up feeling mashed and desensitized. Problem is, my husband never really took the time to learn how to make me come. These take longer than with a vibrator and require patience. As I’ve gotten older and we have more time to enjoy sex without kids around, I’m rediscovering how much I like manual orgasms ( i.e. I do have orgasms from sex but clitoral orgasms have a different quality and I like to have one as part of most sexual encounters. One, I’ve had and used a vibrator for most of our marriage. We are very sex positive, as the kids say, and nothing has ever been sexually off limits as long as we both consent. My husband and I have been married for 25 years and have always enjoyed a robust sex life, made more robust recently by our empty nest and a move to our dream home. You’re not the rude one here! You’re not required to acknowledge your friend being spontaneously fingered by an old dude on a boat. You would have been justified to make your discomfort known, say by verbal means or by turning around or getting up to position yourself where they were out of view, but because it can be hard to draw a line in real time, especially when the jovial environment is vulnerable to party poopers, it’s completely understandable that you reacted the way you did. Like sex itself, any kind of blatant exposure to sexual activity in a nonsexual venue requires consent from potential viewers in order to be ethical. In absence of the implicit possibility of such sexual activity (like if this were a swingers cruise, or you were sailing off from a location where public sex is pretty common, like Fire Island), it was absolutely inappropriate for this to be sprung on you. Is it normal to watch your friend get fingered by a married man who’s old enough to be her father while black-out drunk on a cruise? I can say with confidence that the majority of the world’s population has never experienced such a thing, and it would make great gossip fodder to anyone who knows any of the involved parties. Caught between the Orgy and the Deep Blue Sea
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